greetings+salutations

they can be a comfort to us after a long absence, or a quick acknowledgement. they can be used at the beginning in many different ways, many times over. they can be complicated, awkward, enriching, quick and easy or even done purely as a social courtesy. they are the ways and means in which we greet each other. i would like to share some of my observations regarding human greetings which i have broken down into 4 distinct groups. some of these manoeuvers are tricky, while others appear simple but are subtle in their intricacies of emotional manipulation. whatever way you slice it, here they are...

KISSES!

It started with a kiss. harmless enough but with enough embarassment on both ends. i'm talking about the first time i ever kissed hello a friend. i was 20 and had met this friend through a mutual friend. we had all gone out together a few times and had really become fast friends. after about 4-5 social events, i kissed hello my friend. i had never tried it out before and i figured it would be a good time to do so; i'm an adult, she's an adult, this is an adult friendship...go with it! it was awkward for me to give the kiss, but i followed through. her reaction wasn't exactly rolling out the red carpet and about 10 minutes later our mutual friend came over to ask me if i had feelings for her. maybe it was the wrong time, or the wrong person. maybe it's something people only do in movies. things have changed since then. i often kiss hello my female friends and relations now. the rules of the greetings game changed as i aged, and now it's a lot more acceptable.


cheek peck - as i mentioned, i like to use this one for the majority of my female friends. quick peck on the cheek, left or right. i prefer to go in on the right cheek of the kissee. this is likely due to the fact that i am left-handed and always instinctively cut left. it also helps by committing to a side when you are faced with situations when the peck might be awkward. maybe it's a friend whose been recently upgraded to peck status. maybe it's an old friend that you haven't seen in a while, or had an argument with the last time you saw them. commit to a side and you're golden. it's safe. it's familiar.

VARIATIONS: the mmm-mm-mmm-mm-mmm - 5-7 kisses in rapid succession, usually given by aunties,or to little children.

double-peck - the french invent everything good. democracy. the camera. french wine. fashion, art and of course, the double-peck. the french always kiss hello and its a quick peck on both cheeks. as if they didn't have enough already....greedy french. and let's not even mention the french kiss, which doesn't qualify as a greeting, even for the people who created it.

lovers' hello - nothing sets the world on fire like a lovers' kiss. but, if you're saying hello in public, it's still best to keep it NC-17. picking up your significant other at a busy, public port of call such as an airport or train station is your chance to tell each other how much you've missed each other within about 5 seconds. that's right, a 5-second frencher can say much more than words can. a swirl of the tongue can mean 'i've missed you' or 'can't wait til later.' or it could be a giveaway to something you've been doing...hmmm, that's a new move...wonder where they learned it.

forehead kiss - i like to think this one is strictly reserved for children. usually used between grandparents and their grandkids.

HUGS

i've never been that awesome at hugs. for some reason, i always feel awkward about the other person hugging me. i overthink it. will they make the first move? should i? when do i make it? ok, here it comes...keep left, ok. arms around. am i hugging too enthusiastically? not enough? how long do i hang on?

and so forth. the problem isn't sex-segragated either. i have trouble with both sides, but trouble in different areas. that's because the art of the hug hello varies when applied to different situations. let me elaborate

home-boy half-hug - givin' props to your dawg and keepin' it real at the same time? you think i'm playin' y'all? nah, it fo' real and it be da homeboy  half hug. made by homeboys, exclusively for homeboys, playas and wannabes. and with the people i know, it's mostly wannabes. it goes like this...you walk up to your homie, raise your arm that you wiill use to embrace said 'homey'and bend it at the elbow. take your other arm and put it across your chest. once this is done, you are free to embrace your homey for around 3 seconds and then break. you've now greeted your dawg and still got your street cred. a relatively macho way when executed properly (and by properly, i mean by people who can pull it off) but complete disaster if not done so. this issue is compounded when white guys try to do this with their "crew." everytime i see it happen between two white guys, it's like watching clowns set fire to each other...funny and tragic.  wigga, pleeease do yo'self a favour and give it up.

half-hearted hug - saved for 'frenemies.' these are one of those greeting which you have to do, because of social etiquette, or you've known each other for years but have never really crossed that boundary between friendship and acquaintancehood, but you hug anyway. this hug is always awkward. neither party likes to be a part of what's transpiring, but both feel it necessary to complete this sadistic social execise. alright, maybe it's not that bad but the hug is pretty crummy. you keep space between you like 2 kids at a grade 8 dance and barely embrace. likely just the shoulders and then place your heads close together, but not touching as you say a drawn out "hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii." ugh.

full-body embrace - this hug is mostly used for really close friends, family and significant others. this one covers a lot of people, but the subtlety lies in the placement of the body. for close friends, a one-armed approch, not unlike the homeboy half-hug, will do with the main difference being the arm would be place around the shoulder and neck of the person. the other arm is then free to pat on the back, or to be solidly placed on the middle of the receiver's back. this is my go-to for close male friends. it's manly, let's them know i've missed them and is quick and painless. my variation for female friends is to give a short hand rub. for family, it's both arms around the neck, but a space left between lower genital areas. for that special someone, it's arms around the neck, head against the shoulder and a privates together sort of affair. again, modesty is best so dry-humping should remain behind closed doors.

HANDSHAKES

by far the easiest way to say hello to someone when a personal touch is required. straighforward (at least for the most part) and is another effective weapon in your greetings arsenal. speaking of weapon, did you know that the handshake actually developed as a sign to show you meant no harm to the other person? the right arm of a man in medieval times was usually used as the sword arm. so, if a man wasn't armed he would extend his right arm as an olive branch of goodwill. from there, the handshake has been the most popular of greetings since. of course, there are also complex meanings woven into the handshake tapestry.

survival of the fittest - some people have handshakes like vises. they love to use them to communicate how strong they are, whether mentally or physically. others prefer a softer, weak-wristed approach to the handshake. i like to think i'm in the middle. i have a strong handshake during my initial approach, and then yield a little softer after a second. i tend to let them last at least as long as 1-2 seconds after the initial greeting. i also like to make sure my hand is dry and not too warm, tho sometimes there is no choice in the matter. i also never use my handshake unless my hand is clean and hope that others show me the same courtesy. i use the handshake to greet new people, co-workers, friends who i know but not that well, and uncles.

cool-guy handshakes - these are the worst, or at least in my books. when we're younger, it's cool to greet your friends with secret or special handshakes. once we get to high school. these handshakes take on a whole new level, becoming almost like a signature to help us stand out, or to be recognized by those around us. in university, these handshakes might evolve into a more refined angled hand-clasp, a close cousin to the normal handshake.hopefully, it eventually replaces the cool-guy handshake altogether. if guys are still employing the cool-guy handshakes and are older than 24, it's time to get over your insecurity about appearing cool and just be yourself. i have such a friend, who until recently, always greeted me by way of cool-guy handshakes. i have never, ever known how to successfully engage in this with him. or with anyone for that matter. it's like everyone learned how to perform cool-guy handshakes at school one day when i was absent. i've just never caught on. at first, i used to try but it was a complicated routine of fingers, gripping and snapping that i just couldn't grasp. he always seemed a little surprised that i couldn't pull it off, which then made me feel inadequate for some reason, like i wasn't really that cool 'cos i didn't know how. then i stopped caring and the next few times he tried, i just let him lead. still, he persisted but our meetups become more infrequent. eventually, i came to dread those first, few minutes when i would have to see him and go through this socially-painful exercise. finally, the last 2 times i have seen him he has resorted to using the garden-variety handshake making things much more manageable. hopefully, this trend will continue and as my friends age i'll never have to encounter this again.

enchante  - i have never witnessed this live before, so i'm not sure people do it. this would be the hand kiss, a sort of quirky combination of peck and a handshake. from what movies have taught me, the lady offers her hand limply, where the man takes it and says "enchante" while giving her a flash of his eyes, just before he pecks her hand then releases it. i don't know about this. i think if someone tried it out in real life, people would most certainly think it was out of place and outdated. or, it could be due for a comeback....likely not in our age of hand-sanitizer hysteria.

the shoulder grab - while not technically a handshake per se, it still falls under the category which uses the hand, so in it goes. this one is actually favoured by the chinese as the proper way for men to say hello to each other. you simply come up to your friend and start patting him on the back, or grabbing his shoulder. by grabbing, i mean griping and holding. i've used it myself when greeting people whose backs are turned and coming up on their side unexpectedly.

the salute - make use of this miltary-inspired manoever as another alternative to say hey. i like to use it to address a group of people consisting of people i know and people i don't. especially good to use if you approach a group where you they don't recognize you, even if you recognize them. it signals to them that you are part of something. i also like to use it when my name is called.

hi-5 - a classic and long favoured by people ranging in age from the very young to the middle-aged. i use this with my students to say hey, or just give them some encouragement. also use it with friends when i am trying to be sarcastic about saying congrats. many variations exist such as the hi then low, side-to-side 5, gimme ten, hi-ten, banging fists or punching it in.

MISC.

these are stand alone's which may at times have attributes from the other categories, but don't really fit in.

noggins a noddin' - this little number can be used to quickly to greet an acquaintance or close friend equally. i tend to keep it for those moments between familiar strangers...you know, people in convenience stores or gas stations, people who i recognize by sight, but don't know by name. a quick contact of eyes followed by a quick jerk of the head, maybe a hello thrown in for good measure. but that's about it. it's also good to use to greet someone across a crowded room when making rounds might not be the easiest thing to do. i've also used the nod at the beginning of an introduction to another person. someone mutual might introduce you and a quick nod, followed by a handshake, name exchange and nice to meet ya's.

guns blazing -  make a gun with your hand. you then 'shoot' the person by pointing at them. favoured mostly among male, musically-inclined friends i have.

hands up - the definitive hello. used by princes and paupers, young and old, to greet anyone you might know, by themselves or in a group. i pretty much use the salute instead of the hands up wave, but can still think of situations where it comes in handy; if i showed up late to a family dinner and everyone was already seated. or standing on a christmas parade float beteen candy tossing. variations of this greeting giant include the slight wave, royalty wave, speed wave, wingflap, and the finger wiggle.

GOODBYES

how do you say goodbye? if you're like me, you likely do it short and sweet. i prefer my goodbyes to be done inside a 5-minute window. i announce to a select few that i'm going to leave and then quickly give my hugs before leaving. some people like to have a longer window to allow for goodbyes(my wife for example)some people are good at this, while others tend to prattle on during the leaving process. however you choose to do it, all of the same greetings can be used to say goodbye as well.

there is no shortage of how we can say hello to each, or goodbye for that matter.

i think i'll stick to my faithful, rusty, quick goodbye to end off this blog.

sundays+the city

sunday is fast becoming my favourite day of the week. it's the one day where i don't have to be anywhere, do anything, or see anyone if i choose not to. best part of all, this past sunday also happened to be one of those days when you wish you could bottle it up, slap a label on it and stick it on a shelf. the sun was out, the sky was blue while the temp stayed at a favourable 31 C complete with a cool breeze. likely the nicest day weather-wise that i've got to experience in a long while.

so, we set off for some sightseeing and shopping for some items to finish off our halloween costumes. i'm swaying a little from past years by going without a sword as part of costume, but i am sick of bulky props. instead, i'm going as harvey birdman, attorney at law. easy enough costume and it is still a super-hero so i figure i don't really need the sword.

we decided to get out there by revisiting where we had left off. walked back to our old neighbourhood of gu ting and it hadn't changed all that much. still much of the old buildings, cool alleyways and flotsam and jetsam of the old neighbourhood feel that it has. from there, we got some lunch and went to xia men gong yuan, or xiamen park. just a small refuge carved out of an indescript block, but a nice respite from the busy area.
after lunch, we headed south towards gong guan an area close to national taiwan university (taida) there are lots of shops which are mostly active during the night when the market atmosphere happens. we were there during the day and couldn't find too much that we needed for our costumes. still, it was such a nice day it was hard to feel disappointed. with much of the day left, we turned left, then right in an homeward direction.

soon after we arrived home, we took a nice, luxurious nap for about an hour and a half before deciding on revisiting taipei's largest night market, shilin yehshi (shilin night market) now, it had been a while since i had set foot in the monstrous maze of a place, but i felt i was a seasoned veteran and knew i could handle the sheer amount of people on a weekend night. the crowds were bustling as the vendors displayed their wares in the centre of the alley making it even more crammed. good thing leesh and i were practiced in the shilin shuffle, as that's as fast as things move there.

while we were there, we managed to get a few things for leesh's costume and also scored some delicious street meat. ali baba's. man, for only 60NT ($2) you can have an indian kebab with masala wrapped in a roti. chicken? beef? chocolate? they have it. always the highlight of any trip to shilin.

and that was my sunday. a great day spent doing some great things that make this a great place to live.

screwed

right. so i'll start at the beginning. about two weeks ago, i had my school apply for my work permit. the process usually takes about a week, but was delayed as i had to submit proof of the last time i paid taxes. this meant taking a whole morning to visit the tax office, get the form i needed, and drop it off at the correct school branch. not a big deal in itself, but an annoying mrt ride which was time-consuming. when i got to the school, it wasn't open so i shoved everything in an envelope and went on with my day. about an hour later, i received a phone call from the school administrator saying that i needed to sign the photocopied pages of my passport and that is why she told me to come in after lunch. actually, she didn't tell me a time but i wasn't in the mood to argue and was trying to be accomodating. so, another trip back to the branch to sign the copies and then it was sent off that day.
yesterday, i got my letter from the labour board which i need to turn in for my alien resident certificate, or ARC. i didn't get the letter until my last class yesterday, so i decided today would be the perfect day to get it done. so, i bustle off to the immigration office to start the process only to discover from the clerk (after waiting for 45 minutes to be served) that i am missing a letter from my school which guarantees my working schedule. so, another cab ride to the other school branch to grab the letter, then back to immigration to try it again. i didn't have to wait too long and everything was in order EXCEPT that my contract was only for 6 months. as such, immigration won't grant me an ARC, but instead will extend my visa for 60 days at a time up to a maximum of 6 months.
i was baffled. then i was a little scared about it. then i got frustrated. and then i got angry.
i called up the school immediately and started raving on the phone to the poor girl who works the desk. she must've said sorry like a million time, but sorry's aren't solutions. she suggested calling the head teacher. i did call home (after calming myself down) and he was shocked and then angry about it as well. he said he will straighten it all out tomorrow, but i have my doubts. the immigration lady told me that i would have to reapply for a work permit with the new information, which will take yet another week or so. i got through the first time without having to show more proof of my education (transcript, letter, etc) but i sincerely doubt that this will be the case this time round. that means even more delays while i try to work through the proper channels and deal with the time change. not to mention the long-distance phone calls, admin fees and postage to have it here quickly.
in a nutshell: i hate where i work. this is not the job i was meant to have and while i have been trying to move past this, none of this would even be happening if it weren't for that fucking stupid new boss at the magazine. instead, i'm worried sick, running all over the goddamn city like a madman and spending a small fortune trying to get it all done. so far, i figure this stupid work permit has cost me around $7500NT ($300 CDN)

no wonder people work illegally in this country.

sometimes, it just doesn't pay to try and keep things on the up and up. i'm seriously considering fucking my school over at the moment and just saying they can cram it with walnuts. i mean, it's not a great school to begin with but i have been trying to do the best job over the last 6 weeks and still haven't been paid (more on that in a moment) i do realize that i am only part-time, but that doesn't suggest that i should be treated like a part-time person.

as far as payday is concerned, there is confusion there as well. i was told i would be paid on the 5th of each and every month. well, monday came and went and no pay so i called up the admin lady (complete wench) to try and get some clarification. not only was she rude, she seemed annoyed that i even bothered to ask why they haven't paid me yet. well bitch, i ain't doing this for the good of my health, nor am i teaching out of the kindness of my heart. she explained that because i am on probation, i would receive my money on the tenth. well, the tenth is a saturday and standard taiwanese-employer procedure is to make their employees wait for their money. (i don't even want to get into that right now) so, i figured i would have to wait until next monday until i realized that i work on saturday and guess what? i will be paid. end of story. if they don't give me my money, i'm just going to walk out the door at lunch. i don't really want things to end like that, but i strongly feel that i need to stand up or continue to be manipulated.

the job itself isn't so bad, but it is disorganized, dirty and has a high turnover (i think we can see why) i have worked for a lot of schools here, but have never had this many problems straight out of the gate. maybe i should abandon ship right now...i do have another 60 days on my visitor visa...ample time to find another job, but i don't really know what the consequences will be if i don't continue to work for the school. there could be a fine. there could be a denial of further work permits. there could be deportation for all i know. at any rate, i don't want to risk it so i guess i will stick with it for now....fingers crossed that things will sort themselves out by tomorrow.

and of course, yet another example of the tuesday curse. i really should just stay in bed on tuesdays.

making things happen

learn more chinese...finish design course....read more....meet new people.....save money....exercise more....quit smoking.....eat better...find a better job....start writing more....keep in touch with people more often...
these are the thoughts which swim through my consciousness on an almost daily basis. these niggling, wiggling thoughts which creep up on me when i'm riding the subway, or taking a shower. i assume most people have goals for themselves, something to dream of and aspire to. something to work toward and better yourself. but, like most people i feel full of energy and inspiration, but lack the motivation to tackle these goals, some of which feel insurmountable at times.
i've decided it's time to do something about my goals and i think i've come up with a great solution. i brainstormed for a while and came up with all the things i'd like to start doing or improve upon. after that, i broke them into 4 different groups; health, finances, career and personal growth. within these categories, i then chose main goals which are the long-term. from there, i wrote down some short-term goals for each of the main goals, and then proceeded to break down those short-term goals into smaller steps or tasks. to help organize these goals, i then created an action plan and assigned different tasks from the list to days of this month. now, i have simple tasks to complete every day. so, my thinking is that as long as i complete the daily tasks, i will be just a little bit closer to achieving my goals. not too shabby, huh?

the main reason i've decided to get real about my goals is that lately i've been feeling like a few things have been outside my control and while i'm not a control freak, i do like to do some, if not most, of the driving. this is really just my attempt to grab hold of the steering wheel of life and put the pedal to the metal metaphorically speaking.

have to say, it feels pretty good too. it also feels good to write a blog again...(one of the goals was to 'write more'...guess i've completed at least one of my tasks today)