changes

i just realized that i haven't posted the fact that we found an apartment (after having posted a full blog devoted to the subject) yes, we found a place and are all set to move in on june 1st which is exactly 5 days from now. i have been trying really hard to put it out of my head over the last month in order to not get too excited, but now that it is nearly here i can almost taste it. the new pad is awesome...still modern/loft design with lots of natural light, a larger kitchen, living room, den and a second floor that we can actually walk around in. the building is pretty convenient and is in the xinyi district, just a stones' throw to 101 and its environs. the building also has all the mod con's of a newer building...rooftop garden, lots of common areas, free WIFI, gym and get this...a pool! just in time for summer...it's kismet, i tells ya, kismet.

alongside the move are other changes, but mostly to other people i know. it seems the world has caught baby fever recently. i'm not talking about myself and elisha, but our best friends back home have announced to the world that they are expecting! tremendous news to say the least...but of course, on cue with any change that happens it my brain begins to sift through my priorities and take stock. i've just celebrated my 33rd birthday and have crossed a lot of milestones such as the great institution of marriage, traveling, etc, but what about the great leap forward into parenthood?

elisha and i have discussed this a lot more recently (thanks in large part to all you baby makers out there...keep it in your pants!...jk) but we always seem to come back to the same point: we're not sure. some people just seem to know that they want to be parents, but what about the rest of us? is it selfish that i like my life the way it is? if i decide not to have any children, will i regret it? it's not really the sort of thing you can take a gamble on, nor stop doing easily if it's not what you hoped it would be. i guess the main question is, how do you know?

i suppose the answer must be as simple as that if i don't know as of now, that must mean that i'm not ready. however, i've often heard men become father's when they see their child for the first time, while women experience this during pregnancy. following that logic, what if we become pregnant and 9 months later i still don't feel it? what then? i may be just spitballing here, but i feel really lost about this decision and the fact that i think about it more frequently than ever means what exactly? is it a genuine feeling fostering in me, or am i just hearing the tick-tock of the 'biological clock'? these are the questions which keep me up at night.

perhaps i'm just overthinking things, trying to analyze all the angles before making a decision which is completely unlike me. i usually jump in feet first and sort out the details later. the real difference this time is that it's not just about me this time, but about creating a new life and the decisions that have to be made for it. i've never had that responsibility before and it scares the crap out of me.

wow...big thinks to be thought. in the meantime, i think i'll just take in the wine bbq this weekend and concentrate on the move and leave the seriousness for a later date. and on that note, i'll post some pics and write again apres les move...

parasitic problems

i'm still feeling sick, so today i finally decided it was time to get some help. i went to renai hospital this morning and forgot (again) how busy everything here is. there must've been 400 people in the waiting room, but thankfully the hospital has bilingual signs so it wasn't too bad. in fact, the longest wait time was when i had to pay for the visit and test (a whopping $12CDN) anyway, i had to give a stool sample and will hear back in a day or so. until then, i've limited my eating to water and bread and have doped myself up on the anti-nauseants and immodium. hope i can get to the bottom of this soon and get out there and start living again.

had a pretty good weekend (aside from frequent bathroom trips) friday night went out with gus and gav to primo, a new club that has opened up since last time. it was nice, but a little pretentious. then again, what club isn't really? stayed out with the boys until around 3 'cos i had to meet the new landlady at 10 am on saturday.

saturday was spent moving in and setting up. leesh and i went to ikea and chose some items to make it feel more like home. we've decided to stay minimalist this time around, so the place is coming together much more easily. as far as furniture is concerned, the place is fully-loaded so we needn't worry about the sofa, bed, or chairs.

went out for dinner with renate for a catchup burger at kgb. was feeling pretty crappy so not exactly the best of reunions, but we parted company with the promise of a better time the next time we meet.

all in all, week one was a mixed bag of feelings. awesome to be back but a little subdued thanks to some protozoans.