fast forward

i came to a realization the other day that almost everything i do, i do quickly. i speak quickly, walk quickly, type quickly, brush my teeth quickly, cook everything on high, eat within about 15 minutes, and devour everything i read. when i make decisions, i make them quickly. when i am trying to be creative, i do it quickly. when i learn something new, i don't want to put in the time, i just want to be good at it now. it's also never a case of what i'm doing now, it's what's next.

so, what's all the rush about?

i've decided i need to learn how to slow down. the main question is, how do i break 33 years of fast habits? i figure the best way is to start simply. i've really decided to slow down my walking as a starting point. it feels weird to walk at half my pace but i am slowly getting used to it. i think the biggest reason i walk so quickly here is to get out of the crowds and the heat, but if you walk slowly, the crowds and heat aren't so bad. i've also tried to slow down the way i talk and take my time to enunciate my words...especially when teaching. again, it feels strange to speak slowly and honestly, i feel like i've suffered a head injury. of course, i can only speak slowly for a short time before my brain is screaming at my mouth to keep up.

i have to be honest and say that i've never really understood how slow people can be...well, so slow. it's almost agonizing to me when people can't meet deadlines, walk too slowly, or can't be some where on time. in fact, it's an absolute mystery to me. i think it might be the way my brain is wired or something...not that i think better thinks, just that i think more? not too mention my energy levels which at time seem boundless. because of this, living fast just seems like an efficient use of my energy. isn't faster better in a lot of ways? it makes me on time, lets me get more done and enjoy things a lot quicker. all in all, i've always thought of doing things quickly as the best way. but maybe, just maybe i'm the one who is wrong.

there is an idea which is gaining in popularity called the 'slow movement'. followers of this credo believe that a return to a slower-paced way of life is the way to solve a lot of problems socially and health-wise. the slow movement states that people have lost their connection to the natural rhythms of the world. it also states that technology may not have actually improved our lives as intended, but just helped to increase the tempo of modern lives. essentially, the slow movement is a way of returning to simpler way of life, through less reliance on material goods and money, while also focusing on important things such as family and personal relationships.  this is known as 'downshifting.'

while this may sound great to some in principle, i'm not so sure living this lifestyle would work for everyone. my opinion is that if everyone were to adopt this movement as their own, what would happen to society? there would be a major shift from community to individual. it sounds more like a cult of 'me' and that can't be a good thing, can it? still, there is something to be said for this idea of slowing down but a fine balance needs to be found. like anything in life moderation is key. moving at full throttle through life comes in handy, but i just need to take some time stop to smell the roses too.

changes pt.II

all moved in! feels great to finally be here...the place is already more than i expected. i guess all the blood, sweat and tears that went into finding the apartment really has paid off. i can't explain it, but this place just feels like a better 'fit' than our last place. my only complaint is that we haven't been able to take advantage of the pool just yet, but that's the weather's fault. of course, today it's finally stopped raining and it's sunny, but the pool is closed on monday's. oh well, lots of time to get my swim on.

alongside the move and all these other changes are some personal one's as well. i've decided that it's time to really start taking better care of myself physically. we have a gym downstairs and i've already begun on the path to good health. been looking into workout routines and that starts today after work.i've also decided that i'm going to start cooking more, getting back into eating healthier and knowing what i'm putting into my body. this means giving up fast food and actually going grocery shopping. that part of the plan started on saturday...i already feel better but this might just be in my head.

i'm also going to ease up on the drinking as that has been the major theme over the last couple months on the weekends. just feeling lazy and feel like i'm missing out on life sometimes when i spend half of my sunday sleeping it off. of course, it's fun to go out on the social scene, but it's definitely time to change things up with some more activities other than raising a glass to my mouth several times.

on a different note, i've also decided it's time to challenge myself. i need to learn some more chinese, get back into photo/design and get serious about some career goals. i've got a lot of hours this summer, but when it's done i need to get some more writing happening, or go back to school part-time. it's not that i hate teaching, but i have to say that i really don't like teaching children at buxiban. just not my style and i find myself dreading work. it's been the same story before, only this time as it's my 2nd time doing it, a lot of the old irritations have reared their heads a lot sooner. for my sanity and what's left of my patience, i need to get out of teaching children and start doing what i want to do.

on a wholly different note (and just to see if i could do it) i've given up facebook for seven days. what's the big deal you may ask? well, i realized the other day just how much i actually log on to facebook and am trying to remind myself what the world was like beforehand. i'm on day 3 and not suffering any major withdrawal symptoms which tells me that i really don't have a problem....however, it is amazing how much facebook has become a part of my daily routine. when stopped at a traffic light, my first instinct is to go for my mobile and see what's happening in my news feed. i still have 4 days left and really have no worries about keeping my promise to myself. plus, i always have twitter to tide me over.

changes

i just realized that i haven't posted the fact that we found an apartment (after having posted a full blog devoted to the subject) yes, we found a place and are all set to move in on june 1st which is exactly 5 days from now. i have been trying really hard to put it out of my head over the last month in order to not get too excited, but now that it is nearly here i can almost taste it. the new pad is awesome...still modern/loft design with lots of natural light, a larger kitchen, living room, den and a second floor that we can actually walk around in. the building is pretty convenient and is in the xinyi district, just a stones' throw to 101 and its environs. the building also has all the mod con's of a newer building...rooftop garden, lots of common areas, free WIFI, gym and get this...a pool! just in time for summer...it's kismet, i tells ya, kismet.

alongside the move are other changes, but mostly to other people i know. it seems the world has caught baby fever recently. i'm not talking about myself and elisha, but our best friends back home have announced to the world that they are expecting! tremendous news to say the least...but of course, on cue with any change that happens it my brain begins to sift through my priorities and take stock. i've just celebrated my 33rd birthday and have crossed a lot of milestones such as the great institution of marriage, traveling, etc, but what about the great leap forward into parenthood?

elisha and i have discussed this a lot more recently (thanks in large part to all you baby makers out there...keep it in your pants!...jk) but we always seem to come back to the same point: we're not sure. some people just seem to know that they want to be parents, but what about the rest of us? is it selfish that i like my life the way it is? if i decide not to have any children, will i regret it? it's not really the sort of thing you can take a gamble on, nor stop doing easily if it's not what you hoped it would be. i guess the main question is, how do you know?

i suppose the answer must be as simple as that if i don't know as of now, that must mean that i'm not ready. however, i've often heard men become father's when they see their child for the first time, while women experience this during pregnancy. following that logic, what if we become pregnant and 9 months later i still don't feel it? what then? i may be just spitballing here, but i feel really lost about this decision and the fact that i think about it more frequently than ever means what exactly? is it a genuine feeling fostering in me, or am i just hearing the tick-tock of the 'biological clock'? these are the questions which keep me up at night.

perhaps i'm just overthinking things, trying to analyze all the angles before making a decision which is completely unlike me. i usually jump in feet first and sort out the details later. the real difference this time is that it's not just about me this time, but about creating a new life and the decisions that have to be made for it. i've never had that responsibility before and it scares the crap out of me.

wow...big thinks to be thought. in the meantime, i think i'll just take in the wine bbq this weekend and concentrate on the move and leave the seriousness for a later date. and on that note, i'll post some pics and write again apres les move...

on being 33

it's amazing to me just how fast these birthdays keep coming. yet another year, gone and passed. another year of changes, another year of experiences (some good and some bad) but the world has made another 365-day pass around the sun and so have i.
celebrated this year in style by getting everyone dressed up and having some classy cocktails @ peoples bar. it was nice to see everyone dressed in their finest. afterward, hit up the loft for some dancing but was home in time to see the sun rise over our rooftop. as i sat on the roof greeting the dawn, i realized just how awesome some things get with age. i honestly feel more assured than i ever have in my life, even much more than last year. i'm happier with myself, what i'm doing and who i'm doing it with. overall being 33 isn't that much different, but if this is what it means to get older i can't wait to see what the future has in store.
thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes!

real estate

home is where you hang your hat. home is where the heart is. there's no place like home. right now, i'd settle for just the 'home' part and little else...spring has sprung and so has my yearly itch to move onto something new. to scratch this itch i've decided it's time for a new pad...been scoping out things for about a month now and have some interesting experiences to share about my personal search for that perfect place.

by last count, i've now seen over 25 apartments in various parts of daan and xinyi districts, but i have to tell you it feels like much, much more. but, from those i've already seen it looks as tho i will be looking at many, many more...it's always a case of one of the following factors; location, living room, bedroom, or other general bizarre design. my criteria for a new place is that it is a) bigger b) within the above described areas c) furnished d)modern. now, i know that there is something out there that fits both my criteria and my budget, but the search is exhausting. i have used almost every available free minute to find that perfect place and have thus far turned up empty handed.

there was one, which i hate to mention because it was the one. it was in xinyi district, modern, furnished, with enough room to live and even entertain. so, we began to negotiate with the landlord who then after a week decides that he would rather sell it than rent it any longer. since then, i think i might have be jinxed against finding something i really like, perhaps simply due to the fact that nothing quite seems to measure up against the one.

when i stop to consider, i believe i have lived in 11 different apartments. each time i have moved, it has always been according to something that wasn't right about the place...storage, location, roommates, noise...each move had a method to the madness. this time, it's really about the size...i love the look of the place, the building, the price, the amenities, and the location. the rooftop garden in particular is something i am going to miss, but i can't exactly live up there, now can i? that's the reason i'm being so picky about the next place. i really want it to be a place that meets all the criteria and (heaven forbid) i might actually be able to stay put for longer than a year.

there are a couple of current contenders. in fact, i'm going to have a second look at four of them this evening so fingers crossed that a decision can be made. i still have to say that i'm not all that sold on any of them...something just keeps telling me to hold on for another week, 'cos i just know that the ink won't even be dry on the lease when the dream apartment will present itself.

also, there are the financial part of things to take into consideration as well.  3 months rent has to be paid on any rental here in taiwan...2 months deposit, and the first month. as we have an agent working for us, there is also a half-months's rent in commission to be paid. on top of all that, we would be signing out of our lease early which means that there will be a penalty. even though it's not that much, it still adds onto the total cost of moving which i put around $100000NT by the time it's said and done. we will be able to minus our current deposit from that total, as well as the first months' rent which would we have to pay anyway, but stiill makes a shortfall or $30000 or thereabouts. this is also why i want to be certain.

i've also been looking at apartments online through various websites. some of the places are really nice, but it's either a case of them being snatched up or no reply from the landlord. and of course, there is also the communication barrier which agents make so much easier to break through. still, i think i might keep trying that route for the moment.

in the meantime, let's hope we find a place to call our own soon enough.