moving on has been a lot on my mind the last few days. it started when a f/t position came up two weeks ago. until that point, i hadn't given much thought of where i am in life or where i'm headed, just getting through each day. so, i applied for the job and had the interview and now i'm fairly certain i've got it, but the question is, do i want it? taking it would mean more money, solid hours, better sched and all that, but it also means that i'm going to be a bit more 'stuck' in my current situation.
i'm not too sure if i'm alright with that or not.
to compound these thoughts, a co-worker of mine is also decided to call it quits and that always make me re-evaluate things. am i happy here? could i or should i be doing something different with my life? why, of course i could and should! something new!? that's way better than what i'm doing now! and so on...
i hate to say it, but that part of me that loves change is quite a spoiled bitch...it makes me try new things, see new places, meet new people, but it also wants it all the time and won't let me settle for anything less. every time a travel book comes through my till, i immediately think that i should be out there again, traveling or working and living under foreign skies. i get these romantic ideas of what my life would be like if i was to live in this or that place and it makes my head swim with possibilities....and that makes me feel happy.
BUT, in the deep, dark places of my soul there is also this little person who whispers to me and makes me feel like i should settle down some where, plant roots, have kids and get fat. i hate this person because he makes me feel like i'm a dreamer who wants to waste his life on travel and that's not the way a grown-up should live his life.
haiku for the little practical man inside me
man inside my head
terrible yet insistent
sleep now little boss
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
memory lane
now at the tail end of my 'weekend' from work (consisting of tuesday and wednesday) and have been trying to think of a project to put my photoshop skills to use. i've been fooling around for the last few weeks, trying out different techniques and basically manipulating photos into semi-artistic styles, but this is not fulfilling.
i've been putting off doing a major collaboration of my time overseas for a few reasons...a little because i don't know how to go about it, a little because it's a major project spanning 4 years of my life and a lot because i know that it will stir up feelings of what we had done, seen and the people who made it all worthwhile.
and i have to say, the trip down memory lane is bittersweet.
i'm really happy when i look at these moments captured in time in that faraway place...when i see the things that i've done i'm glad. when i think of what was going on at the time and the emotions tied to it, it makes my heart swell. when i see the expressions on friends' faces caught mostly with a smile on their face, it makes me smile too. but at the same time, these precious memories are only that...memories and that makes me a little sad.
life has improved in so many ways with this move out here, but once again i find myself missing a crucial component and that is friends. personally, it does get a little harder with every move and as i age i find it a wee bit more difficult to find quality people to spend time with. it could be the fact that i've already met some of the most incredible people and i feel like they couldn't be replaced, or it could be that i'm just tired of 'firsts' and just want friends who know me. i don't know, but i've got to get out there and try and meet some new people.
maybe then i when i look back on my memories i can just smile.
i've been putting off doing a major collaboration of my time overseas for a few reasons...a little because i don't know how to go about it, a little because it's a major project spanning 4 years of my life and a lot because i know that it will stir up feelings of what we had done, seen and the people who made it all worthwhile.
and i have to say, the trip down memory lane is bittersweet.
i'm really happy when i look at these moments captured in time in that faraway place...when i see the things that i've done i'm glad. when i think of what was going on at the time and the emotions tied to it, it makes my heart swell. when i see the expressions on friends' faces caught mostly with a smile on their face, it makes me smile too. but at the same time, these precious memories are only that...memories and that makes me a little sad.
life has improved in so many ways with this move out here, but once again i find myself missing a crucial component and that is friends. personally, it does get a little harder with every move and as i age i find it a wee bit more difficult to find quality people to spend time with. it could be the fact that i've already met some of the most incredible people and i feel like they couldn't be replaced, or it could be that i'm just tired of 'firsts' and just want friends who know me. i don't know, but i've got to get out there and try and meet some new people.
maybe then i when i look back on my memories i can just smile.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
12:17am, location: living room
after downing a glass of coke at ten to eleven, i have been researching deadly spiders and looking up horrific pictures of brown recluse bites. if that wasn't enough, my housemate pointed out this mysterious child's handprint on the front bay window which using my imagination i have chalked up to some ghost child living in our house. now, i have decided to 'calm' myself down by watching intervention and reading soldiers of reason, a book about the RAND corporation which of is basically in control of the american nuclear strategy.
yeah, i'm going to get a greaaaaaat nights' sleep tonight.
after downing a glass of coke at ten to eleven, i have been researching deadly spiders and looking up horrific pictures of brown recluse bites. if that wasn't enough, my housemate pointed out this mysterious child's handprint on the front bay window which using my imagination i have chalked up to some ghost child living in our house. now, i have decided to 'calm' myself down by watching intervention and reading soldiers of reason, a book about the RAND corporation which of is basically in control of the american nuclear strategy.
yeah, i'm going to get a greaaaaaat nights' sleep tonight.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
can anyone spell I-R-O-N-Y ?
about 100 times a day or more i get to finish up a transaction by helping a customer decide which way to swipe their debit card in the machine (aka PoS pad) the thing is, on the device itself it shows a helpful little diagram of which way the card faces, but even that might be a little complicated for some. what's even more mindboggling is that in addition to the diagram, there is also instructions in clear, concise, bold-faced letters which state 'STRIPE FACES CASHIER'.
maybe people who can't read a simple sentence shouldn't be shopping at a book store and buying a big book full of sentences....baby steps consumers, baby steps.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
i awoke last night around 3 in the morning to a strange dream which i would like to share. i should have gotten up and written this last night when it was fresh in my mind, but i'm never that ambitious. anywho, here goes...
i dreamt i was back at my parent's house in hanover, and it was a rainy, warm, early fall night. for one reason or another, i heard or saw or just some how knew (it's hard to be certain in a dream) that there was someone in my parents shed. i dreamspied on this mysterious stranger, who turned into face the light from the porch and lo and behold, was the face of quinn ringler.
quinn ringler is this guy i knew from high school. we weren't friends or anything, barely even acquaintances, but everyone knew him. he was and is, for lack of a better word, a rat. i say this because he is about the size of a large rat, has ratty hair, ratty teeth and talks like he's eaten cigarette butts his whole life.
anyway, this dream quinn was apparently living in my parent's shed for some unbeknownst reason (another rat -like quality) and quickly ran (scuttled) away for a moment. my dream-self moved to the shed to investigate his.....abode. there was a nest of sorts, and i was just going to go back to bed and let me parent's know this was happening when something shiny on the floor caught my eye. i stooped to look closer and discovered that the dream-quinn had made a hidey-hole of shiny things he had obviously stolen. amongst these things was elisha's engagement ring. as i brought the ring up from the pile and turned to go to the house, there was dream-quinn standing behind me looking more washed out and rattish then i had ever seen him before. we dream-wrestled as i pushed him into the shed and latched the door. he pounded for a few minutes, before going suddenly quiet.
next, a stopwatch was pushed under the dream-shed door, but it was more than just a dream-stopwatch. i picked it up and it began ringing like a cell-phone, only the caller i.d said that dream-quinn was calling me. i answered it and began telling dream-quinn that i was going to call the dream-police and it he was in big dream-trouble. the funny thing is, i don't remember him getting a word in edgewise, so i think he may have actually transformed into the dream-stopwatch/phone. i quickly called the dream-police to come and help but can remember distinctly thinking i had to keep my eyes on the transformed-dream-stopwatch/cellphone/quinn or else it would get away some how.
and this is where i wake up.
now, as far as dreams go, this was a strange one for me. but more importantly, what does it all mean? i briefly saw quinn ringler before i left hanover, but that was months ago and it was me driving past him on a street. before that, it had likely been almost 10 years since i had seen him last. as for why he was living in my parent's shed, stolen elisha's engagement ring, and then transformed into a stop-watch/cell phone...your guess is as good as mine.
i dreamt i was back at my parent's house in hanover, and it was a rainy, warm, early fall night. for one reason or another, i heard or saw or just some how knew (it's hard to be certain in a dream) that there was someone in my parents shed. i dreamspied on this mysterious stranger, who turned into face the light from the porch and lo and behold, was the face of quinn ringler.
quinn ringler is this guy i knew from high school. we weren't friends or anything, barely even acquaintances, but everyone knew him. he was and is, for lack of a better word, a rat. i say this because he is about the size of a large rat, has ratty hair, ratty teeth and talks like he's eaten cigarette butts his whole life.
anyway, this dream quinn was apparently living in my parent's shed for some unbeknownst reason (another rat -like quality) and quickly ran (scuttled) away for a moment. my dream-self moved to the shed to investigate his.....abode. there was a nest of sorts, and i was just going to go back to bed and let me parent's know this was happening when something shiny on the floor caught my eye. i stooped to look closer and discovered that the dream-quinn had made a hidey-hole of shiny things he had obviously stolen. amongst these things was elisha's engagement ring. as i brought the ring up from the pile and turned to go to the house, there was dream-quinn standing behind me looking more washed out and rattish then i had ever seen him before. we dream-wrestled as i pushed him into the shed and latched the door. he pounded for a few minutes, before going suddenly quiet.
next, a stopwatch was pushed under the dream-shed door, but it was more than just a dream-stopwatch. i picked it up and it began ringing like a cell-phone, only the caller i.d said that dream-quinn was calling me. i answered it and began telling dream-quinn that i was going to call the dream-police and it he was in big dream-trouble. the funny thing is, i don't remember him getting a word in edgewise, so i think he may have actually transformed into the dream-stopwatch/phone. i quickly called the dream-police to come and help but can remember distinctly thinking i had to keep my eyes on the transformed-dream-stopwatch/cellphone/quinn or else it would get away some how.
and this is where i wake up.
now, as far as dreams go, this was a strange one for me. but more importantly, what does it all mean? i briefly saw quinn ringler before i left hanover, but that was months ago and it was me driving past him on a street. before that, it had likely been almost 10 years since i had seen him last. as for why he was living in my parent's shed, stolen elisha's engagement ring, and then transformed into a stop-watch/cell phone...your guess is as good as mine.
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