doldrums

Back from holidays so time to update. The last two weeks of vacation have been great…ten days spent in Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia with nothing but beach, good food, and books to keep me company. The city isn’t much to write home about, but the surrounding beaches were very nice indeed. Picture small green islands, aqua-blue water teeming with ocean life, and white sand beaches. The sunsets lived up to their reputation as well and we could watch them while dining on some excellent seafood, steak, curry, pasta or just about anything else you could want. The only downside was the town had little to do after dark and tended to gouge tourists but what can you do? In hindsight, I think ten days would have been enough to explore the place, but it was still nice to get out of Taipei for a while. As soon as we touched down, I could already feel myself thinking about work and all the things I “have” to do before starting. By Saturday, I was feeling panicked about the things I had and hadn’t done. It seems I left my brain in Taipei, but it sure kicked itself into overdrive when I picked it up again.

Now I’m back at work and feeling…sad? Angry? Tired? Whatever it is, it’s definitely some post-vacation funk and I need to find myself an out. I’m just really not that excited to be back…I don’t know if it’s work, the city, the pace, the lifestyle but I’m just not feeling it right now. It just feels like I don’t have much to look forward to at the moment…just working, eating and sleeping. I suppose I should be thankful that I could actually afford to get out of the city for a bit, but I think it’s just part of a deeply rooted feeling I’ve been having for the last couple months or so. That feeling being that my life here isn’t enough. Not enough adventure, money, time, etc. I have these grand ideas of what my life should be like professionally and personally and I don’t feel like I’m achieving any of it. In short, the cold winds of change are nipping at my nose and I need to come up with some way to protect myself from them or let them sweep me away.

I’ve mentioned the possibility of moving to Spain and that is still an option…however, after a more thorough examination of finances, the timing may be off by about six months to a year. If we were to stick things out until Jan.2013 we’d be practically debt-free and will have contributed that much more to our savings. This would be especially helpful considering that costs are going to increase living in Europe, so it would purely be a practical move. The only problem is that I’m not sure I can stick things out that much longer that way I’m going. It’s not Taiwan, it’s me that needs to change. In order for me to stay longer, I need to continue with my personal and professional goals, but also find a way to love living here again. I desperately want things to feel new again, or at least have some of the feeling back that I used to have by living here. I’m simply not ready to be that jaded expat who has seen and done it all…there is no way I’ve even seen half of what this place has to show me (or at least I hope so!)

Alright, alright, enough of the pity party already. I just needed to vent a little and actually do feel better now. I think I’m going to start by making a list of the things I want to improve and go from there. Next post I’ll elaborate more on “the plan.”