reconnecting

there have been many things which have been difficult since returning to canada. adapting to the food, the prices, and the weather making up the short list. surprisingly, there is one area which seems to be most problematic for me and i'm unsure of what to do. this would be personal relationships, namely my friendships. while i thought i did a good job of staying in the know with everyone back here, i find myself struggling to have the ease that i once did with some of the people in my circle. i know that with some of my friends 20 years could go by and we could pick up right where we left off, but there are a few with whom i thought i had a stronger friendship. at first, i believed it to be a problem with my friends but at the moment, i'm not so sure.

let me give an example...the other night it was a friends' 30th birthday party...i attended the dinner and the bar afterwards but i found myself speaking with the same people i had all night. i just didn't feel up to the task of working the room so to speak. but why? these people are my friends and i should be able to speak to them about any and everything...shouldn't i? this is when it dawned on me that it isn't they who have changed, it's me. when i mean change, i don't mean fundamentally...i still speak and act and look the same, but there is a small difference which i can't put my finger on just the same.

maybe it's the travel, maybe it's a simple as i was gone for a long time but whatever it is i don't know if i can get it back to the way it was...i feel disconnected, like i don't fit in anymore....but maybe that's alright. i've always said that trying to relive an experience is never a good idea because it will always fall short of the previous experience. instead, we should always strive to create a new experience so we can grow and learn from that experience. i guess i should heed my own advice on this point as now it appears that i am trying to go back 4 years ago and expect my friends to be the same.

i'm honestly not saying that i don't or won't continue to be friends with anyone....that said, i feel like i need to stop kicking a dead horse. some new friends, or strengthening the friendships i do have might just be the ticket.

toothache!

for the last 3 days, one of my teeth has been throbbing like a sonuvabitch. it all started about 2 years ago when one of my fillings fell out and because it didn't cause me any pain at the time, i did the usual out of sight, out of mind thing and put off having it fixed. now here i am, 2 years later with no benefits in a land of expensive dentistry, suffering. tooth pain is a horrible bitch goddess and i find myself thinking of ways to remove it myself. well, come monday it looks like i'll be begging local dentists to pull this mofo out of my jaw so i can get on with my life again.

the choices i've made.

i've been putting off writing this for a while but here goes...
so, after living in taiwan for the last 3.5 years i have finally returned to canada. the last few months here have been full of up's and down's. initially, it was great to be back because it felt more like a vacation. that has changed. reality has finally set in and i've got to say that it's not what i had hoped. things haven't exactly fallen into place as i had hoped they would. the plan was to A) be settled in toronto or B) set off for another country and C) worst case scenario. as it happened, option C ended up being the best option. let me expand on what the worst case scenario is. living in hanover, with my parents, working at some job which was taken in the meantime. welcome to my reality. however, this drastic change in lifestyle does has one advantage and that is that i can have time to focus on what i really want to do next. chiefly, get the hell out of my present circumstances by saving enough money to allow the freedom of choice. thus, i've decided to keep a blog about my experiences over the next 8 months...stay tuned for more updates.