dressed for success

the christmas season is in full-swing and no where else is it felt more than in retail. lots of people shopping and asking questions, staff to train and trying to get all the usual stuff done is tricky, but you have to roll with punches. the last two weeks in particular have been busy and a tad stressful, but i'm coping and keeping up with the challenges in this new position. in fact ( at the risk of tooting my own horn here) i think i'm actually excelling at the job. things are organized, getting done and running smoothly. i've been given more responsibility and have risen to the occassion, leaving little room for criticism. that said, there is one thing that i seem to do wrong and that had to do with the way i dress.
work has a dress code which is as follows: black, blue or white shirt paired with tan, black, or navy pants and black or brown shoes. while most days, i follow this code there are a few days that i haven't been exactly up to code. what i mean by that is i have chosen to wear a shirt that doesn't fit (dark grey) or i've worn a sweater which could technically slip through but depending on the mood of the manager that day, doesn't.
this is extremely frustrating to me as it really feels like because i can and do a good job at work, the only thing that management can come down on me for is what i'm wearing? how does that actually affect my job performance? in truth, i take pride in my appearance and attempt to dress up for work as much as possible. I have always been a firm believer in dressing for the occassion...collared shirts feel comfortable and professional to me, so what does it matter if they aren't black, white or navy? the vest i wear over top of the shirt clearly denotes the fact of where i work, so what's the big deal? i could see if i was wearing running shoes, ripped pants, or jeans or something but when the laundry hasn't been done and i've chosen a shirt which is technically a shade of one of the approved colours for one day, do i really need to be told about it?
i think what it boils down to is jealousy. again, i sound a little conceited here but what else could it be? by not staying in dress-code do they think i am better than they are? i don't (just for the record) but like i stated earlier, i take pride in my appearance and want to project a professional image. some of the choices in work attire from my fellow colleagues should be discouraged, if not downright outlawed. i'm sorry, but unless you work in a factory somewhere you should never wear a mock turtleneck for a day at work.
i know it might seem petty, but would it be satisfying to quit a job just because you frustrated over the the fashion? likely not, but everyone has to draw a line in the sand some where.

ch-ch-ch-changes

moving on has been a lot on my mind the last few days. it started when a f/t position came up two weeks ago. until that point, i hadn't given much thought of where i am in life or where i'm headed, just getting through each day. so, i applied for the job and had the interview and now i'm fairly certain i've got it, but the question is, do i want it? taking it would mean more money, solid hours, better sched and all that, but it also means that i'm going to be a bit more 'stuck' in my current situation.

i'm not too sure if i'm alright with that or not.

to compound these thoughts, a co-worker of mine is also decided to call it quits and that always make me re-evaluate things. am i happy here? could i or should i be doing something different with my life? why, of course i could and should! something new!? that's way better than what i'm doing now! and so on...

i hate to say it, but that part of me that loves change is quite a spoiled bitch...it makes me try new things, see new places, meet new people, but it also wants it all the time and won't let me settle for anything less. every time a travel book comes through my till, i immediately think that i should be out there again, traveling or working and living under foreign skies. i get these romantic ideas of what my life would be like if i was to live in this or that place and it makes my head swim with possibilities....and that makes me feel happy.

BUT, in the deep, dark places of my soul there is also this little person who whispers to me and makes me feel like i should settle down some where, plant roots, have kids and get fat. i hate this person because he makes me feel like i'm a dreamer who wants to waste his life on travel and that's not the way a grown-up should live his life.

haiku for the little practical man inside me

man inside my head
terrible yet insistent
sleep now little boss

memory lane

now at the tail end of my 'weekend' from work (consisting of tuesday and wednesday) and have been trying to think of a project to put my photoshop skills to use. i've been fooling around for the last few weeks, trying out different techniques and basically manipulating photos into semi-artistic styles, but this is not fulfilling.

i've been putting off doing a major collaboration of my time overseas for a few reasons...a little because i don't know how to go about it, a little because it's a major project spanning 4 years of my life and a lot because i know that it will stir up feelings of what we had done, seen and the people who made it all worthwhile.

and i have to say, the trip down memory lane is bittersweet.

i'm really happy when i look at these moments captured in time in that faraway place...when i see the things that i've done i'm glad. when i think of what was going on at the time and the emotions tied to it, it makes my heart swell. when i see the expressions on friends' faces caught mostly with a smile on their face, it makes me smile too. but at the same time, these precious memories are only that...memories and that makes me a little sad.

life has improved in so many ways with this move out here, but once again i find myself missing a crucial component and that is friends. personally, it does get a little harder with every move and as i age i find it a wee bit more difficult to find quality people to spend time with. it could be the fact that i've already met some of the most incredible people and i feel like they couldn't be replaced, or it could be that i'm just tired of 'firsts' and just want friends who know me. i don't know, but i've got to get out there and try and meet some new people.

maybe then i when i look back on my memories i can just smile.

12:17am, location: living room

after downing a glass of coke at ten to eleven, i have been researching deadly spiders and looking up horrific pictures of brown recluse bites. if that wasn't enough, my housemate pointed out this mysterious child's handprint on the front bay window which using my imagination i have chalked up to some ghost child living in our house. now, i have decided to 'calm' myself down by watching intervention and reading soldiers of reason, a book about the RAND corporation which of is basically in control of the american nuclear strategy.

yeah, i'm going to get a greaaaaaat nights' sleep tonight.

can anyone spell I-R-O-N-Y ?

about 100 times a day or more i get to finish up a transaction by helping a customer decide which way to swipe their debit card in the machine (aka PoS pad) the thing is, on the device itself it shows a helpful little diagram of which way the card faces, but even that might be a little complicated for some. what's even more mindboggling is that in addition to the diagram, there is also instructions in clear, concise, bold-faced letters which state 'STRIPE FACES CASHIER'.

maybe people who can't read a simple sentence shouldn't be shopping at a book store and buying a big book full of sentences....baby steps consumers, baby steps.

i awoke last night around 3 in the morning to a strange dream which i would like to share. i should have gotten up and written this last night when it was fresh in my mind, but i'm never that ambitious. anywho, here goes...

i dreamt i was back at my parent's house in hanover, and it was a rainy, warm, early fall night. for one reason or another, i heard or saw or just some how knew (it's hard to be certain in a dream) that there was someone in my parents shed. i dreamspied on this mysterious stranger, who turned into face the light from the porch and lo and behold, was the face of quinn ringler.

quinn ringler is this guy i knew from high school. we weren't friends or anything, barely even acquaintances, but everyone knew him. he was and is, for lack of a better word, a rat. i say this because he is about the size of a large rat, has ratty hair, ratty teeth and talks like he's eaten cigarette butts his whole life.

anyway, this dream quinn was apparently living in my parent's shed for some unbeknownst reason (another rat -like quality) and quickly ran (scuttled) away for a moment. my dream-self moved to the shed to investigate his.....abode. there was a nest of sorts, and i was just going to go back to bed and let me parent's know this was happening when something shiny on the floor caught my eye. i stooped to look closer and discovered that the dream-quinn had made a hidey-hole of shiny things he had obviously stolen. amongst these things was elisha's engagement ring. as i brought the ring up from the pile and turned to go to the house, there was dream-quinn standing behind me looking more washed out and rattish then i had ever seen him before. we dream-wrestled as i pushed him into the shed and latched the door. he pounded for a few minutes, before going suddenly quiet.

next, a stopwatch was pushed under the dream-shed door, but it was more than just a dream-stopwatch. i picked it up and it began ringing like a cell-phone, only the caller i.d said that dream-quinn was calling me. i answered it and began telling dream-quinn that i was going to call the dream-police and it he was in big dream-trouble. the funny thing is, i don't remember him getting a word in edgewise, so i think he may have actually transformed into the dream-stopwatch/phone. i quickly called the dream-police to come and help but can remember distinctly thinking i had to keep my eyes on the transformed-dream-stopwatch/cellphone/quinn or else it would get away some how.

and this is where i wake up.

now, as far as dreams go, this was a strange one for me. but more importantly, what does it all mean? i briefly saw quinn ringler before i left hanover, but that was months ago and it was me driving past him on a street. before that, it had likely been almost 10 years since i had seen him last. as for why he was living in my parent's shed, stolen elisha's engagement ring, and then transformed into a stop-watch/cell phone...your guess is as good as mine.

spent the last few weeks catching up with some old friends. heather has arrived to stay for good and amy came for a short 10-day holiday. it was a lot of fun catching up with them and we managed to see and do quite a bit, at least when ever work didn't get in the way. the highlight of my visit with amy was going to Van for the first time and i'm in love...sensational place and cannot wait to spend some more time there. here a few pics of our adventures on the mainland.

oldies but moldies

yesterday was one of those days that you wish you had never gone to work. i was expecting a slow day now that school is back in but was disappointed when i found out that it was seniors day....nevertheless, i gritted my teeth and plastered a smile on my face (however forced it may have been) but these, these....people really make my blood boil and here's why.

they are slow. i know that the body slows down with age and i can respect that, but what i can't respect is the fact that they are impatient when others are slow. and this is especially true if the person being waited on before them is younger then they are. even if you apologize for the wait, they still have to remark on the line-up. i guess they're afraid they might expire in the queue.
but what really gets me tho is how much time they'll take up after they finally shuffle along to the counter. when asked the obligatory "How are you today?" they proceed to give a laundry list of ailments, or my personal favourite, the "not so good", daring you to take the bait to investigate further. as the transaction comes to a close, they'll tell you to repeat yourself and to speak up, then complain about you shouting or speaking too quickly. after that out comes the change purse, which first has to be found amongst a bag or trolley, then set on the counter while they try to 'lighten the load.' and as soon as a senior thinks they don't have the change and you've already rung everything through, that's when they decided to give you some more change, or smaller bills in order to confuse you further. once the money has been settled, they eye up the receipt for any errors and to ensure that you've discounted everything to their complete satisfaction, more often not quizzing you about how much they saved off this or that item. finally, once they sure no more cash can be squeezed out of you they have to check and double check that they have everything and put the change purse back in the bag or trolley, along with their purchases, glasses, wallet, bus pass, etc before they leave the line.

this was my yesterday and although not all of the experiences were quite that bad, most were a bit of this and touch of that. however, the above scenario is really just indicative of larger problems to do with the aged which i will attempt to elaborate on in the next few paragraphs.

one of the best things about living in canada is our health care system which provides equal medical treatment to each and every one of its citizens. the only problem with that system is that it tends to get clogged up with unnecessary visits for things like colds, flus, and minor bumps and scrapes. a 2004 statistic shows that although senior citizens only count for 12% of canada's total population, they account for almost 43% of all health care spending. this statistic doesn't include the cost of pensions and assisted living funding for old age homes, so the figure is likely much higher than that. think of the last time you were in a hospital emergency room. how long did you have to wait? better still, who were you waiting with in the emergency room? my guess is that they mostly people over the age of 65 with a few young mom's and their kids. now, if you have a 18 month year-old baby who is teething and you can't get in to see a doctor because of the backup due to a flu bug going around at the local nursing home, how are you going to explain that to the baby?

it's not just health care that is great but also our social programs for those in need, such as unemployment insurance. the only trouble is, that revenue canada only has so much to go around. here's a great example of what i mean. a teacher who has spent 5 years in school to obtain her bachelor of education finally gets a teaching job after 3 years of substitute teaching. she finishes her first contract and needs to draw on the benefits she has paid into for the last 18 years, because there isn't any work available in her profession. however, she doesn't qualify, mainly because there are too many individuals who draw on the same money. i understand that there are many deadbeats out there who try to cheat the EI system, but believe that this person is a hard-working individual who actually does need a little tide-over until she can find work again. what pisses me off about this whole situation is that she had to jump through every bureaucratic hoop, fill out countless forms and wait almost the whole summer just to find out she didn't qualify. yet, all a senior has to do is be old to get a cheque. yeah, that makes sense.

this situation above also illustrates another issue i have with senior citizens and work. in canada, there is a HUGE amount of highly-skilled graduates who can't find work in their profession, even though most of skilled jobs such as teaching, the law, medicine are apparently screaming for people to work them. well, where are these jobs? for 3 years, she worked in an office that was nice enough to let her go on sub jobs. now, i understand that everyone has to pay their dues, but for all those people out there who are in a similar situation WTF?
it's simple really, the generation which is supposedly retiring actually isn't. what they are doing instead is taking the partial pensions and working part-time in order to keep active and doing something. they are 'doing' something, but not quite what they think...when they work part-time, they not only take away a full-time job from a new individual, but also make it difficult for others to take a part-time job. no one likes working 2 jobs, it's a nightmare to arrange your schedule, there are no benefits and it generally makes life miserable. on top of this, it creates a backlog of people who finish school and have no where to work. why can't retirees just retire?

don't even get me started on close-mindedness, racial attitudes, senior drivers, senior line-jumping and a whole other host of other problems.

what i'm about to suggest for a solution may shock and upset some, especially those who love the old. i think it's pretty obvious by now that i am an ageist and that i'll feel differently when i get older but you want to know something? i don't think i will so here goes...

when i was about 17 i saw a particularly interesting episode of a science fiction series that really struck a chord with me. it was about a society of humans that when reaching a certain age, they were euthanized. while the main characters were all shocked by the finality of the culture, i could definitely see its allure.
think about this if you will for a moment...let's say we decided to adopt a similar societal credo, first off, an age would have to set. the average life span of the human male is 77 and for women it's around 81. i like nice round numbers, so i'm going to go with 70. by the age of 70, many seniors are still able to take care of themselves and are generally quite healthy, making them less of a burden on societal programs or their families. this also has the double-sided advantage of civilization to have benefitted from their years of experience and effort. we could enjoy and celebrate the last years of our loved one's lives, rather than feeling obligated to spend a sunday afternoon watching them steadily decline both physically and mentally.
another benefit would be that the retirement age could be moved ahead, say to the age of 50. his would allow people to enjoy the last 20 years much the same they enjoyed the first 20, with family and friends. early retirement would have some other advantages as well. not only would a healtier population ease the strain on our healthcare system, but the funds could be used to increase old-age pensions because there would be shorter payouts. of course, there is also the creation of more jobs that would go hand in hand with early retirement, lowering unemployment rates which could also shore up the pension plan.
the impact of such changes would be felt on global level as well...less people means less materials, less food needed and much less drain on our natural resources. it has been said that in order for society to be equal to that of the western world, three separate earths would be needed just to produce food...that number would be significantly less if there weren't as many mouths to feed.

of course, these changes wouldn't happen over night, and would have to be gradually introduced. i think a solution would be having everyone who born starting 2010 would be involved in a 70-year plan for change. in that way, people living now would not be part of the plan and would continue life as normal while their descendants would harken in the new age, keep it fair for everyone (especially those who are 69!)

i know that some day i'll be old, and truth be told that i'll probably fit all the stereotypes i've just finished describing. however, that is some day and not today, so for now i can feel all snug and warm with my opinions in my youthfulness...at least for the next 30+ years or so.

life is progressing quite nicely these days.

just last night elisha finally got the phone call she was waiting for...she's now an IT & Science teacher at Queen Margaret School in Duncan....good wage, great working environment and only a short drive away from nanaimo. now that she has procured the job, we can start to get our lives in order.
first on the list is the purchase of a new vehicle. we've settled on the honda fit...a definite step-up from our 1996 mazda protege. if everything goes according to plan, we should be able to drive it off the lot on friday evening....trying not to get my hopes up, but i think we deserve something new.
wedding plans are nearly done...just a few kinks to iron out in terms of flight details and a few other minor things. i can't actually believe how easy it has been to arrange all of this, thanks in large part to leesh. of course, she has had the time off so i've left it in her capable hands and i know she enjoys the planning side of things anyway. it's just so hassle-free and i am thankful that we are getting married this way. i was just touching up a wedding photo for my parents and looked at all the people they had in their wedding party (and knowing my family) and can see what they must have been up against. even though there have been a few bumps in the road while trying to get everyone onboard, at the end of the day it's for us and i think that this photo which shows a lot of compromise just reinforces why the destination wedding is the way to go.

getting excited as heather only has a week left before she is out here...can't wait until she is finally here to stay (as i'm sure she is) it'll be nice to have a social circle again, even if it's more of a triangle.

good tidings

saturday july. 26th.2008 was a great day.

it was the day i finally decided to make an honest woman out of elisha. the day started off like any other....household chores, late breakfast and grocery shopping. at the back of my mind loomed the moment when i might pop the question.

as the day progressed, money came up and as usual, caused us to quarrel. we were both so upset at the lack of money we had we stopped speaking. great, i thought. how am i ever going to ask her now? the original plan was to ask her later that night at a fireworks display...cheesy, i know, but also tried and tested.

eventually tempers cooled enough and we began to discuss money and how we had to sit down and start thinking of money in terms of ours, not mine and hers. as the conversation progressed, the word unified kept coming up and suddenly a light went off in my head...when would i get an opening as good as this again?

i excused myself and went to my nightside table where the ring had been waiting patiently the last 2 days. as i put the ring in my hand and walked back towards my beloved, i felt disembodied as if i was watching my body from above. each step seemed heavy and laboured as my nerves tried to overtake my rationality. i willed my feet to move me forward as i swallowed the lump which had formed in my throat.

i finally laid eyes on her and my nervousness doubled. i willed myself onward, my brain repeating the same thing over in a rapid, machine gun-like blur...askheraskheraskheraskher until....

"I don't really know how to say this..." i pull the ring out of my pocket.

the girl whom i have loved since i was 18 began to cry and all she could manage was a high-pitched "Honey!"

i got down on one knee and asked those four little words that would begin anew our life together.

"will you marry me?"

she threw her arms around me and sobbed the word "YES!" we both were in a state of hysteria mixed with absolute elation.

finally, after so many years together on this adventure called life, we will be together always.

and i couldn't be more happy about it.

big improvements

what a change these last few weeks have brought. the last 10 months living in small-twon exile have finally come to an end...no more hanover, no more living with my parents and no more circling the airport of life. we're on our way to b.c to a brand new start and and a new life. i'm full of excitement and anticipation of what's to come, but before we arrive at the destination we mustn't forget the journey...
day 1 - june.28.2008.
3:15am - awoke to rainy skies. a hasty goodbye before jumping in the packed to the hilt car and a 2-hour drive to tobermory. the crossing to manitoulin island was tranquil. calm, cobalt blue waters were broken lightly by a gentle rain. had a bit of a slow time once we made the landing due to a faulty swing bridge. soon enough, we were on our way once again with a staggering 1200km to drive to thunder bay. the landscape changed dramatically the further we pushed along highway 17. i finally see whay ontario is the land of lakes beacause we passed countless bodies of water surrounded by rocky, pine-covered hills. i can also see why people who live in northern dislike southerners...we are spoiled rotten in almost every way: infrastructure, convenience and amenities. northern ontario has none of these things yet has some very striking scenery...those who live there must consider it a trade-off where you take the good with the bad.
the drive went smoothly as we rocked through sault ste. marie and communities so tiny they were little more than rest stops. around wawa the fog started to roll in from lake superior slowing our pace. still we drove on and on until we reached marathon, the last stop before the final leg. here the fog evaporated as the rain began. the further we drove the bigger the increase in rainfall. luckily the light held allowing us to keep watch for moose crossings (which were more frequent after dark) finally, we pulled into thunder bay and quickly found the campground. the elements were against us as the rain soaked us and the wind howled at us. by this point patience was in very short supply so we angrily albeit hurriedly put the tent together. after our grueling 15 hour drive we collapsed into our damp, wind-blown haven and fell into an uneasy sleep. the wind continued through the night threatening to blow us away. it also created unusual shapes sounds near the tent. as i fell in and out of sleep i swear i could hear the following.
a) eerie laughter, fun-house styles.
b) hands brushing over my tent a la blair witch
c) someone repeatedly opening and closing my car door, stealing all my belongings.
none of these things happened and after i managed to get some sleep we were feeling refreshed and ready for the next day.

day 2 - june.29.2008.
the mission is to get to winnipeg, a mere 7.5 hour drive and exactly half of yesterdays torturous exercise in stupidity. my hip and ass are so sore i think i'll need replacement surgery by trips' end. actually, it wasn't so bad but still took a while to get out of ontario...man! what a whopper of a province. we set off fairly early and passed the day watching the rocks and pine trees, pines trees and rocks go by, hour after hour when suddenly the way opened up, the trees and rocks became fewer and we entered manitoba. at last, the biggest leg of the journey was over. continued onto winnipeg where we spent the night.

day3 - june.30.2008.
got another early start today which was good because we made a few wrong turns while trying to leave winnipeg. the map was no help either. even the locals we eventually asked for directions told us it's one of north america's most difficult cities to navigate.
agreed.
we found our bearing and shot off west once more. the day started off cool but gradually grew warmer and warmer. by the time we stopped for lunch, it was 33 celsius without a cloud in the sky. elisha and i positively cooked in our car but our spirits were high knowing we had only a short jaunt of 6 hours drive. dan found a nice campground with a pool which was pure bliss. now, just waiting for this guy and his laptop to go to sleep so i can smoke a cannon before bed. tomorrow, we're off to calgary and to see barry.

day5 - july.2.2008.
happy canada day! finally got to spend the national holiday in my home country and what better way to celebrate it by driving across this great nation. the drive was pretty uneventful but thankfully cool due to cloudy skies. there were some impressive landscapes of dark, foreboding weather against yellow, green and brown fields of crops. sped our way past grain elevators which soon gave way to the perpetual motion of oil derricks and at the same time matching the pace of trains taking containers across the neverending plains. before we knew it, calgary loomed ahead on the horizon and after getting a tad bit lost, we met up with barry where we'd be spending the night. it was great to catchup with him over a few beers and bongs before crashing into sleep. the next morning, we sleepily said our goodbyes with promises of plans in the near future.
the drive from calgary soon saw the stoic rocky mountains looming before us. they are so impressive they almost seem to good to be true. a very humbling experience and a great reminder of why we decided to see this country. we continued on down the transcan, making our way past kamloops when we decided to camp for the night at logan lake.

day 6 - july.3.2008.
last day of our cross-country caravan. mixed bag of feelings as i am happy not to drive, but sad there's only a little more to go. at the same time, excited to see our new place and the start of something new.

slight improvements

february is here and things have improved ever so slightly. my last entry was a complete and utter bitch, so i feel it's prudent to inform my dear reader how things have gotten better over the last 2.5 weeks.

we have a car again! old is new! thanks to tanya for lending us her car whilst she finishes her studies...you are the most! funny enough, we are using elisha's old car which is tanya's new car which is now our new/old car again...would that make it nold? not sure.

we are also starting to hatch our schemes to escape this hole in the ground. we are still sticking to our original timetable, but the plans are becoming more cohesive. honestly, the biggest thing standing in our way isn't resolve or know-how or even money it's just that we don't know what to do next...vis a vis, there are too many choices. some where hot and tropical locale sounds fabulous right now as could be provided by anywhere in south america, but then again so too does contributing to my CPP while living in the uttermost west of canada. spain or any where in europe would definitely offer some cultural meats to my stew not too mention that it is europe and opportunities to work across the pond tend to expire as i do. decisions, decisions...

2008...i give up.

as you can likely guess from the subject line in my email, this msg is going to be a rant...i apologize in advance if you are having a great day and would like to keep it that way...if so, maybe you should save this one for another time when you're of similar mind. anyway, here goes...
the start of this 2008 has been off to the rockiest of starts. First, my favourite aunt passed away just over 2 weeks ago suddenly. She had been in a lot of pain for a loooong time, so I'm happy that she at least doesn't have to experience it anymore...she was my dad's sister and it was the first time in about 15 years I have seen each member of my family in the same place, speaking to one another...bizarre how it takes the death of someone to give the living a swift kick in the complacency...hopefully, the healing can begin with my dad and his estranged family.
life must go on however, and the next week things were just starting to feel back to normal when i received a little piece of mail from Revenue Canada. It was a notice to call them about something but didn't specify. Turns out, it was a loan that had gotten lost in the shuffle (i went to college when everything got tossed back and forth between the banks and the government) I found out I owed the outstanding amount of $1500 which has gone to collection about 2 years earlier. Super. So, back to the bank to try and get a loan...as I'm sitting there, the loan officer tells me that they would be unable to give me a loan as my CANADA student loan has also gone to collection. Impossible, I thought but after many phone calls later, it turned out that I did indeed owe the money...about $8,000 worth and it had actually gone past collections and was nearing litigation. Meaning, I would have been sued by a major Canadian bank meaning no possibility of credit in Canada, again. But wait, it gets so much better. The bank was going to take a lien against me, and because I don't own anything it would've been against my SIN number. This means 33% of my employed wages would have been garnished. however, because a large part of my income comes from self-employment, the bank would have been authorized to take 100% of that income. Lovely, isn't it? Of course, it was paid immediately so now I'm in my dad's pocket for $6600 (I talked them out of the interest in favour of full payment)The ironic part is that it took a different collection notice to bring a potentially worse collection notice to my attention. I had thought everything was fine. I'm not a deadbeat when it comes to paying my bills...I had everything set up for payment and left it with my parents. I'm not pointing fingers, but the woman I spoke to in litigation said if I had waited 2 more days then it would have been up to the courts to decide. Yikes.
This week has been most rotten of all. After months of being back, I have watched my dog Abby decline and decline. She has had terrible skin problems which take expensive medicines to clear up. She was near blind, lost almost all of her hearing about 2 weeks ago and basically had chewed off most of the fur on her back legs. It was time to do something, so we made the decision to have her put to sleep. IT was tough. I don't know if you are a lover of animals, but I would rather have my dog taken away suddenly then have to go through something like that again. I can't help but feel guilty about it, even though I know it was again a release. Hopefully, death will not become the dominant theme of 2008.
Last night, my dad went out with my car and got into an accident. He's fine, but the car is totalled. Again, wait for the tasty cherry on top. THERE WAS NO COLLISION. Thus, the car is a write-off and now Elisha and I have no way to get out of here and there is nothing we can do about it. As usual, my dad decides to blame everything else except his driving skills, so I got to hear last night how everything has gone wrong since we've been back.
You got that right.
I fucking hate my life right now. I can't remember when this much shit has happened to me at once...I feel like I'm the short kid who spilled milk on the bully that is 2008 and now it's kicking the shit out of me. I know, things will get better but it's true whoever said it's darkest before the dawn. Things have never been darker.
I tell you here and now that I will muster every iota of energy I can spare and channel it towards leaving this, this...place. I don't know where yet, but frankly it doesn't matter right now as long as it's far, far away from here. Luke Skywalker once said that Tatooine was the furthest point from the bright center of the universe...i think hanover might be tatooine.
there you have it, my 2008 so far. on the eve of the february, my fingers are crossed that things will improve...or i'm using my last few measly bucks and buying a shotgun.