changes

i just realized that i haven't posted the fact that we found an apartment (after having posted a full blog devoted to the subject) yes, we found a place and are all set to move in on june 1st which is exactly 5 days from now. i have been trying really hard to put it out of my head over the last month in order to not get too excited, but now that it is nearly here i can almost taste it. the new pad is awesome...still modern/loft design with lots of natural light, a larger kitchen, living room, den and a second floor that we can actually walk around in. the building is pretty convenient and is in the xinyi district, just a stones' throw to 101 and its environs. the building also has all the mod con's of a newer building...rooftop garden, lots of common areas, free WIFI, gym and get this...a pool! just in time for summer...it's kismet, i tells ya, kismet.

alongside the move are other changes, but mostly to other people i know. it seems the world has caught baby fever recently. i'm not talking about myself and elisha, but our best friends back home have announced to the world that they are expecting! tremendous news to say the least...but of course, on cue with any change that happens it my brain begins to sift through my priorities and take stock. i've just celebrated my 33rd birthday and have crossed a lot of milestones such as the great institution of marriage, traveling, etc, but what about the great leap forward into parenthood?

elisha and i have discussed this a lot more recently (thanks in large part to all you baby makers out there...keep it in your pants!...jk) but we always seem to come back to the same point: we're not sure. some people just seem to know that they want to be parents, but what about the rest of us? is it selfish that i like my life the way it is? if i decide not to have any children, will i regret it? it's not really the sort of thing you can take a gamble on, nor stop doing easily if it's not what you hoped it would be. i guess the main question is, how do you know?

i suppose the answer must be as simple as that if i don't know as of now, that must mean that i'm not ready. however, i've often heard men become father's when they see their child for the first time, while women experience this during pregnancy. following that logic, what if we become pregnant and 9 months later i still don't feel it? what then? i may be just spitballing here, but i feel really lost about this decision and the fact that i think about it more frequently than ever means what exactly? is it a genuine feeling fostering in me, or am i just hearing the tick-tock of the 'biological clock'? these are the questions which keep me up at night.

perhaps i'm just overthinking things, trying to analyze all the angles before making a decision which is completely unlike me. i usually jump in feet first and sort out the details later. the real difference this time is that it's not just about me this time, but about creating a new life and the decisions that have to be made for it. i've never had that responsibility before and it scares the crap out of me.

wow...big thinks to be thought. in the meantime, i think i'll just take in the wine bbq this weekend and concentrate on the move and leave the seriousness for a later date. and on that note, i'll post some pics and write again apres les move...

on being 33

it's amazing to me just how fast these birthdays keep coming. yet another year, gone and passed. another year of changes, another year of experiences (some good and some bad) but the world has made another 365-day pass around the sun and so have i.
celebrated this year in style by getting everyone dressed up and having some classy cocktails @ peoples bar. it was nice to see everyone dressed in their finest. afterward, hit up the loft for some dancing but was home in time to see the sun rise over our rooftop. as i sat on the roof greeting the dawn, i realized just how awesome some things get with age. i honestly feel more assured than i ever have in my life, even much more than last year. i'm happier with myself, what i'm doing and who i'm doing it with. overall being 33 isn't that much different, but if this is what it means to get older i can't wait to see what the future has in store.
thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes!